So Very Thankful

Let me count the Ways....

A Stick Can Contain So Much Emotion

Watching the results appear on a pregnancy test can really get the heart racing.

It doesn't matter what the outcome is.

There is anxiety over either answer.

And you prepare yourself for the positives and negatives of both the positive and the negative.

Because to become too emotionally attached to the idea of one answer over the other can be devastating.

And you don't want to be devastated.

So you remain impartial.



Waiting...





Waiting...





What takes only moments can seem like hours.



And then you take a closer look.


Only one line? Look real hard. Any faintness of another line yet to appear?

No.

It is only one line. The one line I had hoped to see. And yet... The thought of two lines had brought a smile to my face. How could that be possible? Why would two lines bring a smile at this phase in my life? There would certainly be complications since I have an IUD. My life would be chaos with another little baby ruling the house. It would be a struggle to devote the time and attention necessary to Taryn's development and education with a babe on my hip. The list can certainly go on...

But there is something special. Something priceless. Something beautiful about the joy and importance of creating, carrying, and bringing a perfect little spirit into this world and into a good and loving home.

It is an indescribable feeling.

Best described - I suppose - by a knowing smile.

So I will look forward to when the timing is right,

to again wear that smile.

** If I had just waited one more day, I could have saved $7 and gotten my answer the easy way. But after a couple weeks of wondering why that very punctual part of my body wasn't functioning, I couldn't wait any longer - and how was I to know that all I needed was some patience?

Top 8 of 8 Years

8. Lying side by side in the grass and talking under the moonlight.

7. The family hike we took to the waterfall. Watching you trek-it with Zion on your shoulders and then bond with Evan under the falls. Contemplating how our family has grown and being so thrilled that you are my husband and, even better, the father of our children.

6. Both getting sick at Magic Mountain and finding comfort in the realization that at least we were growing old together.

5. Every time you hold me in your arms and we get to really talk with eachother. Those are precious moments and I relish in every minute.

4. Watching you carefully and lovingly hold each of our brand new little babes. There is an indescribable emotion that overwhelms me when I get to witness that moment. It is beautiful.

3. When you "broke the ice" with me on our wedding day. Still brings a smile to my face.

2. Painting the bedroom with you while both scantily clad. I loved watching you up on that ladder. It was so much fun, even though we were both too exhausted afterward to do anything about it.

1. Taking you to Babies R Us to announce the news of our growing family. The smile on your face was magical and the embrace we shared is still my most favorite hug of our marriage. It is a moment I will never forget

Happy Anniversary Love! Let's shoot to make these next EIGHT even better.

I LOVE YOU

A Valentine Vision

I wish I had had a camera in my hand.



Picture this.....



Evan pinned to the floor by his pettite little sister who is laying directly on top of him and dishing out kisses right and left.



Literally.



Right cheek. Left cheek. Right cheek. Left cheek. Now that's the kind of sibling smacking I don't mind so much.

And I'm thinkin' we should lock our bedroom door a little more often. =)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

Full Bed

There's nothing like {waking up} in the morning

with a snoring preschooler by your side

and a newly born babe at your breast.

There is also nothing like

{trying to sleep} with a babe at your breast

and a preschooler by your side.

It's an impossible sleep

But it's a good one

The end of an Era

Dear Zion, Nearly fourteen months of a daily ritual has ended. If you had told me in the beginning that I would eventually miss it, I would not have agreed.

But I will miss it.

I will miss the ability to instantly make you happy.

I will miss the bonding -- the one-on-one time. Some days it was the only personal time I got to give to you.

I will miss your gentle tug.

I will miss being needed. You used to refuse any other source of nutrients. I was definitely needed.

I will miss needing you. In the last fourteen months there have been only two days that you were not by my side. And though I looked forward to those days, when they did come, I looked forward to seeing you again even more. Sometimes it was just a business transaction - you needed me and I needed you. But looking back on it now, it was a transaction of love.

I will miss giving you what you want. It was not my choice, but my body's. Now when I am holding you and you pat my chest with a whine in your voice, I will have to endure it. I am sorry Zion. And even though our time together was recently only once a day, I will miss it.

Thank you for being so good to me these last fourteen months. I am proud of you for being such a good nurser and proud of myself for sacrificing for so long. But I am sad that it is over.

One day you will get to share this bond with your own daughter. And then you will understand.

Inspiration

I have recently been inspired by a number of love stories. Not just those of romance and fairy tales, but the long-suffering, unconditional kind. The stories that make you weep from pain and then sob with joy. This is the element of love that creates a classic. And it is something that can be shared not only between husband and wife, but also parents and children. I look at families with this type of "love life" and think I wish - then I realized, I already have. My life is full of my own personal love stories. If I just look at it with that kind of perspective and not a sinister and envious one (which has become so easy to do), it abounds with love.

I hope for this blog to be a way for me to document the little love stories I witness daily. I want it to be a record my children can revert to in the future when they may, as teenagers often do, question the love their mother has for them. And most importantly, I want them to know unequivocally that I love their father. That he is the prince in my own ordinary, yet extraordinary, romance. I have had occasion recently to doubt that parental love in my own life and I never want my children to feel that kind of emptiness.

Let there never be a doubt.

You may ask, why not just write in my journal? Good question. I guess there are a few reasons:

1. Since being out of school for a number of years now I have noticed that my hand cramps within 30 seconds of non-stop writing. This is unfortunate since I have always had a shameful pride in my penmanship.
2. I figure the internet is most likely not going to be destroyed in a fire.
3. Though I am creating this blog for the benefit of my children and husband (and myself), perhaps others may benefit in the process.

I don't expect a following on this journey. But I am looking forward to it, nonetheless. Like Shakespeare said, "They do not love that do not show their love." I need to show my love more - and not only my love but the love that I witness in others and even in the things around me. I am confident that by making this effort I will love more. And the world around me will be better for it.