It doesn't matter what the outcome is.
There is anxiety over either answer.
And you prepare yourself for the positives and negatives of both the positive and the negative.
Because to become too emotionally attached to the idea of one answer over the other can be devastating.
And you don't want to be devastated.
So you remain impartial.
Waiting...
Waiting...
What takes only moments can seem like hours.
And then you take a closer look.
Only one line? Look real hard. Any faintness of another line yet to appear?
No.
It is only one line. The one line I had hoped to see. And yet... The thought of two lines had brought a smile to my face. How could that be possible? Why would two lines bring a smile at this phase in my life? There would certainly be complications since I have an IUD. My life would be chaos with another little baby ruling the house. It would be a struggle to devote the time and attention necessary to Taryn's development and education with a babe on my hip. The list can certainly go on...
But there is something special. Something priceless. Something beautiful about the joy and importance of creating, carrying, and bringing a perfect little spirit into this world and into a good and loving home.
It is an indescribable feeling.
Best described - I suppose - by a knowing smile.
So I will look forward to when the timing is right,
to again wear that smile.
** If I had just waited one more day, I could have saved $7 and gotten my answer the easy way. But after a couple weeks of wondering why that very punctual part of my body wasn't functioning, I couldn't wait any longer - and how was I to know that all I needed was some patience?
2 comments:
Wow!! My heart was racing as I read your post. I was thinking, "No way! How will she do it?" But I agree. Even if a woman doesn't want a baby, thinks she is pregnant and then later finds out she is not, it is still devestating. Tyler can never understand why but it is special and it is beautiful and it is a magical feeling for women!!!
I am done having babies - but there is a big, completely nonsensical part of me that would be THRILLED to see two lines one more time!
Note: I don't want any more kids, but seeing the lines and everything that comes with it is just so exciting. Magical.
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