Focus

I need to focus.

I’ve gone in waves with this blog in the past, but the drought of these last few months has felt a little more final – and I don’t like that. I’m losing perspective. I’m losing my sanity.

I’ve pretty much lost my mind throughout this whole pregnancy. I’ve been incapable of focusing on a solitary idea, or activity, for more than a minute or two. A blog entry takes more than a minute or two. So the twenty minutes before bed I used to devote to my blournal, I’ve spent wandering around the surreal perfection of pinterest instead, and then I go to bed in a dream-like haze of idealism.

But life is not ideal. Not right now. And that is another deterrent for me from writing.

And it sickens me that I have let all this time go undocumented. Good or bad. Shouldn’t matter. I used to be able to flip the bad into good. It’s usually not that hard to do.

But lately it has been.

It’s that “focus” thing again.

I haven’t got it.

And now I have only a few more day.

3 more days before my family changes forever. For the better – make no mistake.

But Change is still hard.

And I took what will most likely be my very last nap with my 4-year-old daughter today. We held hands as we often do, while our minds drift away into peaceful slumber. I love falling asleep with her hand in mine. But even more, I love awakening to the realization that are hands are still clasped together. Neither of us letting the other go, even in our dreams.

I will miss those naps.

I will miss that time with her.

And now I’m losing focus again

it’s time for bed