Well. Darn.
The summer is gone.
My kindergartner starts school tomorrow.
I’ve been about as productive as a solar panel at night (Greg’s analogy for myself – not mine. Yeah, he keeps it real).
No summer tan.
No elaborate projects.
No adventurous day trips.
No making my children’s summer something special or memorable or especially memorable.
I’ll probably cry tomorrow when Evan goes into school, not because he’s a great big kindergartner now and I’m going to miss him, but because I’ll be grieving the time I’ve lost – time I’ve wasted – watching him grow up so fast and not doing everything I could have, or should have, to enjoy the process.
I should probably give myself a little more credit.
I mean he is a smart, good kid, so I must have done something a little right.
But there have been days - Entire days - when I probably spent no more than 30 minutes face time with him. With any of my kids for that matter. Maybe even less. Who knows. They probably don’t. But I do.
I do.
Our firsts are our guinea pigs. Poor pigs. They endure a lot of experimentation. And they don’t often get compensated for their time spent in research. Hopefully their siblings will pay them back for us some day.
3 comments:
I know exactly what you mean.
You are wonderful. I know you are a wonderful mother. It's not about doing everything perfectly, or consciously enriching every moment. It's like you said - the proof is in the pudding.
You have good kids. And you are good. Sending a hug for the first day of kindy tomorrow!
i love your honesty tash. don't be too hard on yourself. i look up to your example, and yes, the proof is in the pudding.
I hear ya, girl. Poor oldest children. I never gave my oldest sister a break, and I should have -- now that I have an oldest, I know.
Satan wants us to be down about our success at motherhood. You are amazing, good, and powerful. He knows it, too. Just kick him in the teeth and keep up the good work, Mama!
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