It's a job I already know - and I already know I love.
But when I interviewed for the position, I never actually intended to begin it. The start date was a month and a half away. We felt certain Greg would be able to find something in that time. I only accepted as a backup. But suddenly the day is already here.
And I am torn...
When I first got my part-time job, it was years before I ever intended on going back to work. I had fully planned to get a good, flexible, part-time job once all my children were in school. There is so much time during that part of the day that I could use to benefit someone besides my family. And the extra money around the house would be a good bonus too.
But my part-time job now has not been for an extra bonus. It's been our main source of income. For me, my time with my children is too important to substitute for something extra.
And I've loved my part-time job. I love what I do, and who I work with, and the adult conversations, and the satisfaction of helping others. There is only one thing I don't love about it -- that I look forward to going to work.
The first couple of months were heartache. I missed my kids. I felt guilty leaving them. And I thought about them constantly.
But lately, they rarely enter my mind.
I don't like that.
I know the debate regarding stay-at-home or working moms is ongoing and multi-faceted. I know all about it.
But I have to admit. I used to be very judgmental. Working women were never really a part of my life. My mother never worked once she had children and neither have my sisters. The other mothers in our neighborhood were always home as well. I suppose I was very blessed.
And so when we were taught in church that
"Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children,"
it seemed so obvious to me that my place was at home. To me, that was what a good mom does. I had never known anything different.
So what now?
How am I supposed to be a good Mom if I'm not present to mother? How do I get that paradigm to shift? And do I even want it to? Because even when and if I am able to stay at home full-time again, I want to still know that is where I am supposed to be. Without absolutely knowing that, I'm sure I would want to turn right back to the office. Life is sometimes easier there.
And so ........ I just don't know............. what to think...........
Praying that a miracle will happen in a week.
Seven days.
God can do a lot in seven days.
Just look around.
5 comments:
I know how you feel. No judging here, just thinking out loud with you and hoping your family is happy through whatever comes your way.
All I can say is the Lord knows your heart. It will work out. It will.
Good luck with your decision.
Oh Tasha! We will be praying for you too! What a tough decision! You are such a good mom, we do what we have to do!
hey you! i know i jumping into this situation quite late... and you have already made your choice... but there was an artical in the ensign a few months ago about a mother who worked. You may want to look it up and read it. It gave me hope and comfort! and helped me make a big choice at the time too. :). miss you! hope this will work out for you! OH, and glad to hear the hubby is back in a full time job!
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