I haven't posted for a while. There has been a lot on my mind - but it is all scattered.
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What do we name our daughter? My top picks: Taryn, Serene, Sunshine, Jeanne... And for what date do we want to schedule her delivery?
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Wondering how well or to what degree I bond with my babies in their fetal state... Wondering what kind of devastation I would feel if I lost one, because I stay so guarded... Thinking about my friend who was due the same week as me, but delivered a few days ago and unfortunately lost her baby... Knowing I would indeed be heartbroken, but still wondering to what degree... It's hard to know how I would react to such a personal loss without having actually gone through it... Praying I never do... Reading through my eloquent friend's blog who recently lost her premature twins, for any good advice to pass on... Crying without warning at random moments...
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Should I wear my glasses today?
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Dreading my c-section and the recovery... But anxious to meet our little girl...
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Trying to find someone to watch my kids when Greg and I both have to work... Wishing we had family close by... Arguing with Greg about my job... Wondering if and when to quit it... Not wanting my superviser to regret having hired me... Feeling numb...
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Should we sell our house? Move back to Arizona? Find a cheap apartment?
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Helping Greg look for jobs... Nothing...
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Thinking about the cycle of service... Sometimes I'm the one that needs it... Like a year ago last winter - baby delivery, Mom passing, gall bladder surgery... Having to put away my pride to ask for and accept help... Sometimes I'm the one that can give it... I like those times... And then sometimes I'm the one that needs it again... Wishing we had family close by...
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Wondering how to get Evan to tell me when he needs to go potty... Constantly being surprised by Zion's recent babbling and the hearty voice that comes out of her petite little mouth...
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What do we name our baby?
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
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2 comments:
I am so sorry -- Good Luck!!.... My heart also aches for those mothers that lose a child -- Life is just so precious.... I pray you have a happy and healthy pregnancy and beautiful little girl!
As a first time mommy to be, and being in the health care field, it is not easy to stop the paranoid thoughts in my head when hoping and praying for a healthy and complete pregnancy. But, I know that I have no choice but to put it in God's hands and trust that he will allow me to keep this gift that he has put inside of me. I hope to never have to experience losing a child. I pray that you and your husband are able to find a way to withstand and thrive during your economic stresses.
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