I was 17. I had never seen an "R" movie and had commited to myself that I never would. There are some commandments that were concrete. Easy to avoid. Easy to say no to. For me, they were drugs, alcohol, and rated "R" movies.
But my date bought it for me. And it was to a show I certainly wanted to see... for its historical value - Saving Private Ryan.
I sat down in the theater with the other kids in my group, completely uneasy. I felt sick to my stomach and the movie hadn't even started yet.
We had only been there a minute or less and I turned to my date. He quickly discerned the panic in my eyes and to my HUGE relief suggested we go see a different show.
Moral crisis averted.
And that was my experience with rated "R" movies...
until the other night.
Occasionally our satellite provider offers free upgrade channels for a month as a trial. To lure you in. Well, being the cheap-skates that we are, we definitely take advantage of these opportunites and currently have about 20 hours of recorded movies on our DVR. I recorded one show I had heard great things about for its social/political/environmental commentaries and pushed play.
Within the first 2 minutes, I immediately realized this "R" rated movie was not Edited as the "F bomb" was dropped with an overwhelming explosion in my ears.
hmm.... but I began to rationalize with myself....
This is an unedited rated "R" movie. But I have a remote in my hand. And it can skip forward. I am a good judge of inappropriate scenes and won't hesitate to use that button. I will just edit this movie myself. It will be just like it is edited for tv - probably even better. I shouldn't feel bad about watching this.
So I continued watching. 5 minutes. 10 minutes. 20 minutes. My finger lay on the trigger of that skip forward button. Problem is, I was planning on using it for inappropriate "scenes". Scenes that I could easily foresee and pull the trigger on. But I quickly found that my weapon of defense was useless against inappropriate language. Language that was impossible to anticipate. Language so vulgar I cringed with each utterance. Within those first 20 minutes, the "F" word was used at least as many times combined with a laundry list of other foul words. But the story line was so engaging. I soldiered on. Finally, it became too much. I pulled the trigger. The delete button.
It's been two days now.
I can't get those words out of my head.
My ears still ring with them.
You see. Besides having never watched a rated "R" movie, I have also never said a swear word. I've thought them. Oh believe me. And as my kids get older and their disobedience becomes more criminal, I think them aplenty. But I have still never let one fall from my lips. Not even the biblical ones. Just thinking them as often as I do, dirties me enough. And to add this new filth to my already vulgar thoughts has been draining. I'll be scrubbing their imprint off my brain for a long time.
I grew up around sailor language. My mom was a swearer. Which I thought was funny, because she always said:
"A person who swears simply lacks the vocabulary to express themselves appropriately."
I always hated hearing those unbecoming words come from her well-educated lips. Mostly because when those words were hurled by her, they were usually aimed in my direction. And that made them even harder to hear.
So I use lots of euphamisms instead. Euphamisms that still make me cringe whenever I hear my innocent children repeat them. But they are better than the alternative I suppose. My vocabulary is obviously not as extensive as it should be when I'm presented with certain situations.
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I'm not exactly sure how to wrap this post up, other than to say the experience I had this weekend has strengthened the resolve I made as a young child to never watch a rated "R" movie. Our leaders give directives for a purpose. To keep us clean. To keep us happy. To lead us in the direction we should go to end at the destination we desire. Why shouldn't I try my darndest to do what they say?
5 comments:
Oh Tasha, I couldn't help but think that someday your kids are going to read this and it will be your testimony to them about what not to do and what you believe. How special to have this written down.
I'm proud of your decision to turn off the movie and I'm sure if you want to get those words out of your head then pray and Heavenly Father will help you with this righteous desire to have pure thoughts!!
You are amazing!!
What movie was it on t.v.?
The movie was "Fast Food Nation." I have no idea why they had put in such terrible language. It is so unnecessary. I still want to know what happens in the movie, but not until I get a language filter installed. ;)
Inspiring, as usual, Tash. I share your determinations for movies and language. I have long thought that I need to brush up on some new adjectives ... nice ones ;)
that reminds me of the time we watched an edited R rated movie called arlington blvd. we watched it with another couple and at the end of the movie we all looked at each other and realized that while you can edit for language and scenes you cannot edit for theme. theme is an intricate part of a movie that permeates everything and can leave you just as marred as some of the other things that make a movie r rated.
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